I Humbly Suggest That Hip-Hop Is Dead

Yeah, so...I'm getting older and far be it for me to be the old man that yells at clouds and tells kids how it was back in my day...but nearly 40 years after it first broke onto the scene, I think 3 months into 2016, I can confidently say Hip-Hop is dead.

Behold, my scholarly, peer reviewed evidence:

1) Hottest mixtape (and most cleverest marketing ploy) of the year so far is from the fucking Hamburger Helper, ya'll.

Seriously. Take a listen. It's called "Watch The Stove" (clever riff on Jay-Z & Kanye's Watch The Throne album) and it's FIRE!

"Keep that heat on me, I be in the kitchen, 350 degrees homie. All these haters salty, I'm too seasoned homie. Dripping down...I got cheeese on me".

Lyrics for days, fam. lol.

2) You guys remember Master P from "Make 'em say uggggghhhhh, nah, nah, nah, nahhhh" fame? Well his record label No Limit Records is back...with the "Trap" Michael Jackson. No. Seriously. His name's MoeRoy...

And as ridiculous as this FUTURE / Michael Jackson gangster rapping clown may be...the song is pretty catchy. lol. You know that feeling you get after you finish rubbing one out to some weird porn? like "ewwww, I can't believe I just enjoyed that, wtf is wrong with me?" Yeah...kinda how I felt after watching this...for the 15th time. lol

3) And last, but not least. Everyone likes Trap rapping, Ciara impregnating, Russel Wilson hating, Drake collaborating, mumbly voiced "what the hell is saying? It don't matter cause it sounds FIRE", Atlanta rapper Future

Some people like him so much (like Kanye West's new artist) Desiigner that he sounds more like FUTURE than FUTURE does on the hottest songs in the streets (and on the charts) PANDA

"I got broads in Atlanta"...but dude was born and raised in New York and appropriated the shit out of Future vocally. To add insult to injury...this copy cat song, actually charted higher on Billboard Hot 100 than any of Future's solo songs. lol.

Although that may have to do with Kanye using it in one of his songs on his new album, The Life Of Pablo.

Hip-Hop used to be about authenticity, skill, originality...the term "Biter" could lead to beatdowns and brawls...now? It just leads to radio spins, fame and Billboard success.

Hip-Hop is dead. Long live RAP.

KB

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